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(no subject) [Nov. 27th, 2008|01:33 am]
[my grooves |mark ronson - valerie]

today was a day i dont want to remember, due to the glutinous people of america, so this bottle of whiskey is helping me forget

thanksgiving is really an aweful holiday, the pilgrims took advantage of the natives, and stole all of their earthly possesions, also the tradition is too eat more than you would normally eat in a day. i saw people at work today that bought up to $400 in food, WHY? why cant we just change this holiday to spending how much money we would spend on this unnecessary food and donate it to people that really need it, america doesnt need to eat anymore than they already do

so i ended my shift at the "Whole Paycheck" and i walked up to tasca, i was hungry and sober, i went in and at alone, sitting at a table listening to the people there in groups talking in french talking in english, but i was alone at a two person table, i spent $10 on a plate of empanadillas and a magners and a $4.25 tip for dave. good karma? maybe.
i came home and found a bottle of jack daniels, and started drinking, i cant taste it because i burnt my tounge on the two cups of coffee i had today. im so tired and i dont know what i want right now, im at an apex where theres nothing im looking forward to so theres nothing to live for, so i drink more.

i too drunk to write music, but too angry to go to sleep
alcoholism runs deep in my blood, and im giving in, and it feels good, caffeine felt good today it was like a drug, i felt free, i escaped all the shit thats been bringing me down lately, all the girls, all the drama, all the pain. i was numb and it felt so good
im numb again, i dont feel anything and i like it, and you cant say anything to change my mind, because you cant control me
i hate having dreams that arent going to come true
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i traded in my bible for a little black cat [Nov. 15th, 2008|03:22 am]
[my pheelin |sofa kind pun gas]
[my grooves |misfits - speak of the devil]

so i was pissed off today because the girl, michelle, that i was going to bring to the wedding bailed on me at the last minute and the wedding is in less than 15 hours
and out of everyone that i called that i know would be in the area/availible that i would be able to pick up either havent responded or magically arent availibe
i guess getting drunk tonight and going to parties some of which i dont remember was a good idea, it kinda took the edge off, and i havent gotten drunk in a long time, i miss booze but today was payday and the first of many so im pumped $528 into my bank account [i only got paid for one week, but the next one should be double that fuckin $1056, which is ironic because i partied at 1056 comm ave tonight, weird]
anywho i like eljay because it takes the edge off slightly, but i still need to find a date because i aint going alone
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dreadful sorry, clementine [Nov. 13th, 2008|12:20 am]
[my grooves |the dears - dream job]

so i usually write on here when im feeling blue or red or even sinister
but right now i feel alright, things in my life are falling into place and i really have nothing to complain about
i like to maintain a dreary mid frequency attitude in autumn, thats why i listen to my Seth's Shoe-Gaze Mix [autumn 08'] including such songs as:
The Dears - Dream Job
Death Cab For Cutie - Transatlanticism
Ryan Adams - Wonderwall [Oasis]
Jose Gonzales - Heartbeats [The Knife]
Viva Viva - How You Feel Today
Amelia - Between The Bars [Elliott Smith]
Placebo - Running Up That Hill [Kate Bush]
Peter Gabriel - In Your Eyes
Smashing Pumpkins - Landslide [Nicks]
Joshua Radin - Winter
The Decemberists - Clementine [Elliott Smith]
Jeff Tweedy - Simple Twist Of Fate [Bob Dylan]
Ryan Adams - Oh My God, Whatever, Etc.
Viva Viva - Let Me Down Easy
Delorean - The Biggest Lie [Elliott Smith]
Remy Zero - Fair
The Dears - Berlin Heart
Viva Viva - Total Eclipse Of You
Colin Hay - I Just Don't Think I'll Get Over You
Nico - These Days

so listen to that and youll feel how i feel so in the past month or so a lot of things have happened that changed my situation full circle
i got pneumonia, which got me fired/i quit my job as a waiter at Tasca. so for a while i was just winging it with $250 in cash on my bedside table for food and cigarettes and the occasional bottle. my 20th birthday came along, and i had a party of parties, old friends and new friends meeting and greeting, its what i like to do. and i got my nipples pierced in jess packers room. then jobless and nearly broke i found a job a Whole Foods, i went in for an interview that went great, went to orientation learned about food and whole foods, then halloween came i dont remember much of that night but i woke up naked on mission hill and rushed home to get ready for my first day of work, bagging groceries for elderly russians, and rich cougars and soccer moms from brookline. today i trained to be a cashier which seems rather complicated and easy to mess up, but so was waitering and i nailed that. in the path month of so i found love and set love free

now i lay in my bed next to my last $21 in nickels, dimes, and pennies, a dying pack of reds that my brother wanted to get rid of, and a glow in the dark rosary hanging from a sociology text book i found on the street.

now i lay in my bed thinking if the girl at my new job likes me or is leading me on, wondering if michelle still wants to go to my cousins wedding with me on saturday, longing for the $700 paycheck arriving at 10 am on friday.
now i lay in bed realizing i should use it like a bed and sleep because i work 10 to 6 tomorrow as a cashier on my own and i have to wake up to make lunch and breakfast
good night
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i got madd love for you shorty, i want to listen to boyz 2 men when im with you [Aug. 14th, 2008|01:31 am]
[my grooves |youth group - forever young]

tonight a customer at work asked me if ive ever been to spain, and i was a little drunk so without missing a beat, i replied "i've never been to spain, but i kinda like the music"
i think im the only one that can really appreciate that, because im probably one of the only people that still listens to three dogs night

i think im bored in life, i mean one of my biggest dreams was to move to boston, and i did that, what do i do now? i cant really afford to go to school, so i guess ill just work on being a rockstar, it can happen, i just need at least 1000 fans
i think ive drank myself to fatigue tonight, im going to sleep like a baby tonight, which means im going to wake up in a puddle of drool tomorrow, it sounds gross, but youve never slept well until the morning after you wake up in a puddle of drool. you wake up and lay there and just feel like the sun coming in through the shades is holding you in its arms, and the breeze from the windows is blowing the hair out of your face

i feel restless however because i miss somebody too much for comfort
i need to grab some shut eye, its imperitive
good night world
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(no subject) [Jul. 27th, 2008|05:16 am]
im crazy about you and you know full well
but still you play games with my head
tonight i helped you when you felt like hell
i shut my eyes, cleaned you up, and tucked you into bed

tomorrow i hope you call me when you wake
because i couldnt stay with you tonight
ill bring you cures for your massive headache
things that will make you feel alright

youre in love with your boyfriend and he doesnt feel the same
you told me yourself, and i said hes an asshole
because he cant come to his senses
and realize youre amazing
instead hes too busy with his money
hes too busy with his fame

i walked in the rain and peed on your street and bought reds at the economart down the road
i talked to a mechanic who wasnt a virgin, came home and wrote you a poem

people im drunk, apparantly i can write poetry when im drunk, i guess this is a good thing
will someone please remind me tomorrow that this poem exists
i want to read it
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